Oblivious

There is this little humming sound coming from the space heater, it is dark yet glowing.

I nestle in your arms, not feeling protected or strong, but rather feeling serene, feeling for the very first time that I don’t need to go anywhere or do anything. Nothing is overwhelming, nothing is pressing, nothing is urgent.

It may be dark but I can trace your smile on your face, I am smiling…from within.

Despite the fact that it is only you and me…we insist on whispering, sweet whispers that make me giggle.

No pretense, no acts, no facades…Nothing.

You , me and darkness. Sweet blissful darkness.

It is peaceful, endearing and everlasting.

You say something, kissing me and I am half listening as I fade into this other realm of warmth.

I am about to answer when something blares in my ear, I jump up in bed, it is my alarm.

It’s time for work, time to check on my mother, it is time for boredom and repetition and heartache.

You are not there, I will not call you, hear your voice or touch you ever again.

I get dressed in a hurry and go to kiss mum goodbye.

As I reach for the door, she stops me and says in that surrendering tone “Radwa… go wash your face…You have been crying in your sleep again”

I don’t….

I don’t really think it makes a difference…I have to get over you not over my tears. Nothing can wash that away.