In between feverish fits of semi-sleep, you know, where your brain is racing, your eyes are sore, your body is aching, you are dying to sleep but it is just not happening, anyway, in those fits, one sentence kept echoing through my mind “I miss you so much it hurts”
I really do not remember where I had heard that sentence, which film? Which star? Which song? I remember it was a man and I remember that this sentence had always puzzled me, simply because when I was younger, I prided myself on my ability to rationalize my flow of feelings, things-in my stupid somewhat idiotic opinion back then- did not have to hurt if you could control them.
Now it is different, love hurts, rejection hurts, acceptance hurts, negotiations hurt, lack of inspiration hurts, expectations hurt. On an average I was starting to feel soul-ache every day on a span of two to three hours at once.
Now why is this related to “I miss you so much it hurts” is not making much sense to me yet. All those feelings to me are based on a missing basis,
Love did not hurt; it is missing that person in question. Rejection does not hurt; it is missing the feeling of acceptance. Acceptance does not hurt; it is missing the fact that the person accepting you is not the one you want.
Negotiations do not hurt; it is missing the feeling that you are of more worth to the extent that you should not negotiate to begin with. Lack of inspiration does not hurt; it is missing days when inspiration is flowing like an endless river. Expectations do not hurt; it is missing the guts to meet those expectations, missing days when you were fearless and worry-less.
You might be wondering, so why would you be dwelling on things you miss? And I would tell you, because I am honest, because when I was a kid I was told that it is always healthy to speak of what you feel, people are entitled to their opinions but you are always entitled to your emotions.
Right now, on May 6th, 2011. When I am 26 years, 6 months and 17 days old, I miss a lot of things so much it hurts.
I miss my grandfather’s garden so much it hurts. I miss my grandmother’s soft braiding of chocolate brown locks so much it hurts. I miss my walks with my father every Saturday evening around maadi, so much it hurts. I miss feeling happy so much it hurts.
I miss loving my country so much it hurts. I miss having loyal loving supportive friends so much it hurts. I miss butterflies in my stomach so much it hurts. I miss good books so much it hurts. I miss hoping for the future so much it hurts. I miss getting dressed up and feeling pretty so much it hurts. I miss feeling truly healthy so much it hurts. I miss not having to put up an act so much it hurts.
I miss my soul so much it hurts. Over and out.
I really do not remember where I had heard that sentence, which film? Which star? Which song? I remember it was a man and I remember that this sentence had always puzzled me, simply because when I was younger, I prided myself on my ability to rationalize my flow of feelings, things-in my stupid somewhat idiotic opinion back then- did not have to hurt if you could control them.
Now it is different, love hurts, rejection hurts, acceptance hurts, negotiations hurt, lack of inspiration hurts, expectations hurt. On an average I was starting to feel soul-ache every day on a span of two to three hours at once.
Now why is this related to “I miss you so much it hurts” is not making much sense to me yet. All those feelings to me are based on a missing basis,
Love did not hurt; it is missing that person in question. Rejection does not hurt; it is missing the feeling of acceptance. Acceptance does not hurt; it is missing the fact that the person accepting you is not the one you want.
Negotiations do not hurt; it is missing the feeling that you are of more worth to the extent that you should not negotiate to begin with. Lack of inspiration does not hurt; it is missing days when inspiration is flowing like an endless river. Expectations do not hurt; it is missing the guts to meet those expectations, missing days when you were fearless and worry-less.
You might be wondering, so why would you be dwelling on things you miss? And I would tell you, because I am honest, because when I was a kid I was told that it is always healthy to speak of what you feel, people are entitled to their opinions but you are always entitled to your emotions.
Right now, on May 6th, 2011. When I am 26 years, 6 months and 17 days old, I miss a lot of things so much it hurts.
I miss my grandfather’s garden so much it hurts. I miss my grandmother’s soft braiding of chocolate brown locks so much it hurts. I miss my walks with my father every Saturday evening around maadi, so much it hurts. I miss feeling happy so much it hurts.
I miss loving my country so much it hurts. I miss having loyal loving supportive friends so much it hurts. I miss butterflies in my stomach so much it hurts. I miss good books so much it hurts. I miss hoping for the future so much it hurts. I miss getting dressed up and feeling pretty so much it hurts. I miss feeling truly healthy so much it hurts. I miss not having to put up an act so much it hurts.
I miss my soul so much it hurts. Over and out.
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