Queen of Small Details

A few Years ago when my life was more simpler.

When I had not been aware of depression, heartbreak, bad karma and all the rest.

When I was not aware of the bad world lurking outside my father’s arms.

I was in love.

Simple love, where things simply did fit it. Every small little detail made sense.

Detail…..that word always found a place in my life. And for that he tended to call me “the Queen of small details”

And in a sense, I was.

I was aware of every little thing that ever happened, I remembered everything in every sense, people were not just people, they were smells,features,smiles, clothes and words.

And I always remembered all these details.

Life went on, I was no longer in love, no longer sheltered, no longer dependant, the one thing that never failed me in this world was my ability to remember detail.

But lately I have been growing tired, the queen simply no longer wanted to reign detail.

I wanted to abdicate the throne.

I wanted to just flow through life. I wanted to start a clean slate of my perception of life.

You see, the thing is I was not the one ruling small details, small details were the one in charge.

Small details dictated my feelings and actions. And I went through life following whatever these small details.

Mind you, they come quite handy sometimes, I see things in people others can’t, that was my edge.

That was what created the script writer, the novelist, the story teller that I am today.

I am thankful for small details, they were very loyal subjects to me.

But I am 27 years old, and I have yet to find my big picture, I do not know what big picture. I can describe every little scene in my life in every detail there is.

But I don’t know what big pictures are.

I don’t know where I fit in as,a small detail, in the big canvas that is life.

Now what?